It has been months (literal months) since I last posted. I don't believe in excuses, but the explanation is actually very simple. I needed to rest in the Lord and step back for a bit. In January, I realized how long it had actually been since I had last posted and I was so disappointed in myself until I took stock of everything that had happened in the last six months...
Started a new job, weaned my son, had an early miscarriage, house-hunted, moved, finished my last college course for my education degree, was offered and accepted a youth ministry role, and even began prepping for my education certification exam
That's a lot for anyone! And here I was, trying to pull out the words to share and guide people to God without even having a good prayer routine in place! Truthfully, I was out of water to give anyone and needed to take time to seek out God and refill my own soul before trying to fill another's. I've written some here and there for Blessed Is She and for work (hello, parent newsletters, Week of Christian Unity posts, Faithful Fridays, and Caitlin Shepard+). But mostly, I focused on renewing my prayer routine and just being with God, rather than trying to share about God constantly. Even Jesus needed a break from the crowds occasionally (boats, deserts, etc.). Now, I'm no Jesus and I don't minister to thousands, but I also know that sometimes we need time just with God.
The truth is, whether its inconsistent or scheduled, I love to write. I'm back and feeling inspired yet again to create beautiful content that glorifies and serves God. Alleluia!
So, here's what's new for me while I've rested with the Lord that last few months...
My word of the year is "Celebrate" which pairs perfectly with my desire for more liturgical living in my home and classroom. I'm slowly making my way through Kendra Tierney's Catholic All Year Compendium and I love it. Her writing is engaging and witty. You could literally read the whole thing, cover to cover if you wanted to or use it as a life-resource to flip through when scheduling what life is going to look like over the next month or two. I'll be writing more about the impact her book has had on me later, so keep your eyes peeled.
My focus for 2019 is to continue to develop the virtues of humility and self-control. I began focusing on them this past Advent and have realized, paired with Matthew Kelly's Resisting Happiness that these two virtues are ones that are underdeveloped in my own life. I will be sharing more about this later on too.
Finally, my saint of the year is Blessed Sara Salkahaze, the only modern-day Hungarian saint. She was a World War II era woman and although there isn't a ton about her, she has become a part of my litany of saints each evening. I've been saving her, so to speak, for Lent and will definitely dive more into her and what she can teach me then!
Alright, now I'm curious! What's new for you? Word of the year? Saint of the year? New way to pray that you're loving? Let me know in the comments below.
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I cannot believe that last week was my little man's first week of "school" (which is really just daycare, but school sounds so much better, right?) I have to admit, I was pretty excited for him to start. He's our first and only, which means he's had very little time around other little ones his age. Both Josh and I were excited and nervous to hear how he did interacting with others.
I was also excited because I'm a terrible SAHM. It's true. We're all blessed with different talents and demeanor and mine is currently not fit to work in the home.
What made me such a terrible SAHM?
I get bored and frustrated; I long for adult interaction. But I don't leave the house all too often because I'm just enough of a homebody (and a cheapskate) that I don't like driving around every day. I stress about silly things like the house not being clean enough or me not accomplishing enough because "I'm just at home" (which is anything but true!!)
But most importantly, I felt deeply in heart that God had different plan in store for me that would make me a better wife, mother, and Daughter. God had a plan that would allow me to serve my family and the Kingdom to the best of my abilities.
I have loved this last year of life, learning about education and learning how to be a good mother to my son. But I also knew the whole time that I was not meant to stay at home with my son forever because I just wasn't as fulfilled as I could be! And here's the important part: it's okay to not be fulfilled as a SAHM. And, (and this is really important) it's also okay to be fulfilled as a SAHM. Neither of these two roles are more important than the other!
In a Fountain of Carrots podcast, interviewing my now favorite Catholic "celebrity", Jennifer Fulwiler, they share that God gives us all different skills. Some mothers delight in baking bread and tackling the mountain that is glitter crafts with their children. Others find joy in facilitating their child's interests like baseball or violin lessons. And others come home from work invigorated and excited to spend the evening with their kiddos, feeling on fire for work and for their families.
Society has raised the stakes on motherhood to an impossible level. Pinterest, Instagram, and YouTube have resulted in so many styles of motherhood, all of which have been carefully curated to produce a brand and following that is just plain impossible. YouTubers don't do behind the scenes for a reason. Insta-mamas have professional cameras and stay at home because their Insta is their full-time job. The reality is, there are very few rules when it comes to motherhood (stay-at-home or otherwise).
God created you to be the mother to the children you have been blessed with. However you do it, as long as you do it with love, you're doing it right. Which is why I don't feel bad about leaving my son at daycare. God's got me exactly where I'm supposed to be; how can I possibly fail?