A year ago, I could have mapped day out for you in thirty minutes increments almost exactly, from wake up, to work, to classes, to my responsibilities in the afternoon, to bedtime. I love having a schedule. But despite what some blogger mamas may have you believe, not every baby has schedule, and if they do have one, it is bound to change sooner rather than later. My daily schedule? Don't make me laugh.
My lifestyle has had to become so much more flexible in the last two and half months than it ever has been. Baby wants to be up at 6 am to play? Time to play. Baby wants to sleep from 4 pm until almost 7 pm? He's tired and needs to sleep. Baby thinks that 10 am (when we would be at church) is the perfect time for a spirited conversation in which he shows off his wide range of noises and volumes? Just smile and wave at the little old ladies staring directly at you.
The reality is, we can plan all we want but something is always going to interfere. It doesn't have to be your child. It could be your partner, the dog, the weather. We plan, and God laughs. But this doesn't mean give up on the planning, sometimes we need a plan and a schedule. It just means that we need to avoid being so rigid in our lifestyle that we can't flex and adjust when things change.
Don't become so set in your ways that when God calls, you are afraid to answer. Don't become so set on things being a certain way that you don't allow yourself to grow and change!
In my two months of motherhood, I can already tell you that I am not a pro-mommy. I'm still not certain if I should be eating only organic to make what he eats organic, I don't know what size he should actually be wearing because literally every brand is different, and I lose his socks constantly (but the internet assures me this is normal). My failures are numerous to say the least. There are times when I can't seem to solve the problem that has him upset, moments where I resent his needs at 3 am, and I keep forgetting to check the time when I start to feed so I know (approximately) when he'll be hungry again.
My biggest struggle as a person and a parent already is/was patience. Patience with my dogs, my husband, my infant when nothing seems to make it better, and myself for what feels like constant failings. I know deep down that I am not failing as a parent; my son is happy and healthy. He is growing, he smiles often, loves to move, and talks to us almost 24/7 through coos, grunts, and squeals. I have no doubt that he feels safe and trusts us. Which can only mean we're doing at least a few things right! Just like any relationship or change, it takes time to grow and develop, and it takes time with God.
But a quiet, deep conversation with God and an intercession to our Mother, Mary, for patience is slowly helping. When I feel impatient, which leads to me feeling helpless, hurt, or frustrated instead of snapping, I slowly, mindfully pray a decade of the Rosary interceding for patience and grace in a trying moment. I don't always remember to reach out to God first, but I can feel myself becoming more patient with little things that used to get under my skin. A change I've wanted to make and struggled with is slowly coming to fruition because of God, not me.
You can read more about God's power of transformation in the New Testament and in our own lives here